Gaston

Music by Alan Menken
Lyrics by Howard Ashmen
Performe by Jesse Corti, Richard White, and Chorus

Who does think she is?
That girl had tangled with the wrong man!
No one says 'no' to Gaston!
Heh, darn right
Dismissed! Rejected! Publicly humiliated
Why it's more than I can bear
More beer?
What for? Nothing helps
I'm disgraced
Who, you? Never!
Gaston, you've got to pull yourself together

Le Fou
Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're everyone's favorite guy
Everyone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why

No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck is as incredibly thick as Gaston
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect! A pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on!

All
No one's been like Gaston
A kingpin like Gaston

Le Fou
No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston

Gaston
As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!

All
My, what a guy, that Gaston
Give five "hurrahs!" Give twelve "hiphips!"

Le Fou
Gaston is the best and the rest is all drips!

All
No one fights like Gaston
Douses like Gaston

Cronie
In a wrestling match nobody fights like Gaston

Girls
For there's no one as burley and brawny

Gaston
As you see, I've got biceps to spare

Le Fou
Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny

Gaston
That's right
And every last inch of me's covered with hair

Cronies
No one hits like Gaston

Townsman
Matches wits like Gaston

Le Fou
In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston

Gaston
I'm especially good at expectorating
Ptoo-ey!

All
10 points for Gaston

Gaston
When I was a lad I ate 4 dozen eggs
Every morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown I eat 5 dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge

All
No one shoots like Gaston
Make those beauts like Gaston

Le Fou
Then goes thromping around wearing boots like Gaston

Gaston
I use antlers in all of my decorating

All
Say it again
Who's a man among man?
And then say it once more
Who's the hero next door?
Who's a super success?
Don't you know? Can't you guess?
Ask his fans and his five hangers on
There's just one guy in town who's got all of it down

Le Fou
And his name's G-a-s-t
G-a-s-t-e
G-a-s-t-o oh

All
Gaston